I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
