and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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