What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
