anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
