i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
