he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
