the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
