my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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