Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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