That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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