good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
