We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
