Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
