He told me they were just razor bumps!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
