dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
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