I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
