had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
