im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
