im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
