would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
