I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
