I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
