If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
3pm strippers are depressing
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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