This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
