So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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