Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I met the friendliest cop last night
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
