She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
