I think my fart just growled at me.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
