I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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