I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
