Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
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