Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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