You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
