I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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