I hope mine doesn't look like that
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
