I wish my penis had an off switch
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
