I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
