I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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