Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
