if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
