I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
