In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
