she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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