I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
