ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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