A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
