You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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