Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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