Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
