She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
