Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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