The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize