i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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