and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
