Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
