Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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