Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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