i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
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Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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