my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize