I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
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once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
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also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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