Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
