this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
