There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm really busy with my period
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