we have pet lesbian snakes
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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