Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Someone shit on the floor
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
