So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I would fuck him just for his dog
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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