Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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